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Welcome back to The Bend!
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The Bend follows a simple rhythm each week. The Eddy Line opens with a one-line thought or
observation, something short enough to remember but worth thinking
about. What the Current Pulled Toward dives a
little deeper into where the previous week’s energy went, whether that’s
a project, a partnership, or a personal lesson learned. Signal Fire highlights a person, place, or initiative
that deserves some attention. And One Thought Worth
Sitting With closes things out with a brief reflection or quote
that will hopefully help guide you through whatever you may be dealing
with.
It’s part journal, part field note, and hopefully
something that makes you pause for a moment before diving back into the
current.
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“Grief is love with nowhere to go.”
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What the Current Pulled Toward
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This week the current pulled toward
grief.
A couple weeks ago I wrote about mortality in the
abstract. This week it feels anything but abstract.
My father-in-law, Ralph, passed away last week and I’m
feeling all of it.
Grief has a
familiar rhythm. I remember feeling this way in 2018 when my grandmother
passed. She was a steady presence in my life. She was strong in ways
that I didn’t see growing up but realized once I became an adult. Her
strengths were rooted in family and faith. She had an unshakable sense
of loyalty and commitment. I spent so much time with her as a child and
through the years, no matter how far I wandered, there was still a place
I belonged. Losing her felt like losing a compass point.
Then in 2020, my uncle passed. That one hit
differently. It was unexpected and none of us were ready. It was during
the early stages of the COVID pandemic and it was sudden in a way that
left us reeling, much like with my father-in-law. Physically, he was a
big man. Emotionally, he was a giant. He showed love through action far
more than words. From him, I learned about how showing up consistently
matters more than grand gestures. My football games - he was there. My
basketball games - he was there. Any major life event - he was there.
His absence left a space that never quite fills the same way
again.
Each loss has shaped me.
Obviously in sadness, but also in perspective. When someone who helped
form you is gone, it makes clear your understanding of the things that
will endure. Their influence doesn’t disappear, it just evolves. If
you’re lucky (like I consider myself to be), it shows up in your habits
and your values and the way you raise your kids and the way you approach
life in general.
And now with Ralph,
that same ache is back and, like before, it’s layered with gratitude. He
had a big impact on my life in a very brief time. He was steady.
Thoughtful. Quick with humor, albeit the corny variety. He loved his
family deeply and I never once felt like I wasn’t a part of
it.
He also took pride in his work,
both on the farm and in the dental office. He believed in doing things
well. He believed in showing up for people. He believed that the
investment you make in others is what truly defines you.
Writing about mortality recently felt philosophical.
Losing Ralph makes it personal. It sharpens things. The conversations
you wish you had one more time. The stories you wish you’d recorded. The
ordinary moments that suddenly feel extraordinary in
hindsight.
What grief keeps teaching
me, through my grandmother, my uncle, and now my father-in-law, is that
love leaves a mark. Legacy is built in relationships. In the way your
family speaks about you. In the way colleagues respect you. In the way
your children and grandchildren light up when your name comes
up.
Grief
hurts because the love was real and that’s a trade I’d make several
times again.
- Mike.
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Ralph spent many years serving as Director of the
Faculty Dental Practice at the UNC Adams School of
Dentistry.
For those who don’t
know, the Adams School of Dentistry at the University of North Carolina
at Chapel Hill is one of the leading dental schools in the country. It
combines clinical care, research, and teaching, preparing future
dentists while also serving patients across North Carolina and
beyond.
The Faculty Dental Practice
allows experienced faculty clinicians to provide advanced dental care
while mentoring students and residents.
Ralph lived at that intersection of excellence and
mentorship. He believed in doing things the right way: carefully,
ethically, thoroughly. He believed in training the next generation well.
He believed that professionalism was was a daily practice.
His legacy is more than his title or years
served, though. His legacy is in the people he trained, the patients he
cared for, and the standards he upheld.
To learn more about the UNC Adams School
of Dentistry, click
here.
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One Thought Worth Sitting With
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This week’s theme: Grief.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying
goodbye so hard.“
-A. A. Milne
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